|Black Isle Cold Turkey
Blimey, story of the week has to be the international outrage at the truly irresponsible creation of a – mother of all evils – low alcohol breakfast beer by those Taliban-loving brewers Black Isle.
In a move which has done more for global insecurity than Kim Jong-un letting his toddler do his colouring-in on the country’s non-aggression pacts, Black Isle have begun selling a weak, hoppy craft beer, targeting hardened alcoholics, nightshift workers, over-indulgers and early risers.
Although Satan worshippers Black Isle sent the press release out about a month ago, and had the launch a fortnight ago, it took until last Thursday for the outrage to suitably ferment into a controversy worth raising half an eyebrow about, claims The Scotsman.
Such was the outrage on one drinks industry website, readers flocked to the comments section to attack the author for wrongfully claiming Benjamin Franklin had been president of the USA.
It even got a mention on yon Huffington Post who also pointed out that at 2.8%, Cold Turkey was bucking the trend for stronger beers. (Scroll down to their slideshow of dead cool US beer cans. I like the Tallgrass 8-Bit Pale Ale best.)
I’m sure Black Isle’s Cold Turkey Breakfast Beer will have the country’s jakeys and alkies turning their backs on vodka & meths mixers and opting instead for a low alcohol hoppy fuity craft beer. Or maybe, horror of horrors, it’ll attract the attention of the poor sods coming off the nightshift, choking for a pint but not something too strong that time of the morning.
Also in the news was yet another BrewDog expansion.
And then the heart-warming story that Isle of Arran, fresh from a funding knock-back, is to start producing sake. Though whether it all works out financially will depend on what duty the government will put on the ricey tipple. I bet they roll a d6 (that’s a six-sided dice). A roll of 1-3 and it’s beer tax; 4-6 it’s wine. That’s how I’d do it.